Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in David's LiveJournal:

Thursday, January 1st, 2004
9:04 pm	mandy and megan here. in case any of you care where david is, we are prepared to inform you. over break he was allowed to come home for 5 days. he then took a flight back to utah, and is currently back at the RTC. it's a different one from where he was earlier. if all goes well his next visit back will be around easter. there, anymore details can be obtained from either person. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 17th, 2003
9:40 pm	i liek boobs! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 12th, 2002
2:51 pm	I spent my morning breaking ice (Comment on this)
2:47 pm	I am moving to Ithaca! I am haveing my jesus party next weekend and i have a portfolio due tomorrow which i should probley start I met god yesterday and he said I was going to hell. Then I kicked him in the crouch (Comment on this)
2:45 pm	pot dream I dreamed that I was in the car trying to deiceide wether to buy pot agian this week at church . then i woke up looking for pot and realized it was a dream and i was pissed (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 7th, 2002
12:58 pm	dream I am in the car with my mom but she dosen't know who I am i think it is a joke at first then i get scared then i think i am having a dream in a dream but i can't wake up for some reason i am in the barrie library it the middle of the night but the library is much different it is kind of in the Barrie center, I am afriad of getting caught by someone so i hide then i think about how i am going to get out then i see this lady and for some reason nothing happens and then i go up these stairs trying to get out but their are people their then i crawl back down the stairs and the sun is startin gto rise and their are a few people in the library then Sam shepard comes and puts his arm around me then me lay down and start kissing and he uses his toungue and it is very warm. after that i acualy woke up to find i had been making out with my pillow i am in my room and then i have a new little brother who is very cute and sweet. this is strange cause i hate kids (2 Comments |Comment on this)
11:09 am	wow. i am so fucking crazy. bu i dont care. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. * * * * * * *does anyone read this anymore * * * * * * * * * * * * *hahahahahahahahaha. i fooled you all. or perhaps i didnt. this is mandy writing in davey's journal. i am soooooo bored. why is it that i can find the will to post in someone else's journal, and yet seem all but incapable of posting in mine. perhaps because i know that most people stopped reading davids journal after that "julia wald is a bitch. happy birthday ben" post. sorry david. i love you much, but that entry, well words escape it. anyways, whether or not people read this journal (does anybody read anyone's journal?) i would like to point out that boredom is a disease. it afflicts everyone with severe appathy. that's all for now. m.r (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 6th, 2002
10:19 am	i am sitting on my porch eating chicken with this girl and then it starts snowing (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 3rd, 2002
8:30 pm	dream I am in a store in Prage i walk over to the shelf and pick up a hersheys candy bar and it is broken in half jack and shean, (friends from church are spending the night it is late shean has disapeared i am in the den the front door is opean my dad comes down and then I am in bed holding and kissing sam shepard I am outside with my mom and there is this guy who has been doning bad stuff so me and my momtry and stop him I say somthing about him being poor and he does somthing and me and my mom are inside and he has a crow bar and he is outside and i see that the front door is opean so I close it and hit the police button on our alarm system I am in a car with sam shepard he is driving and wear sweats and i am some how hugging him I get home and i see the house across the street is on fire guys show up and start putting it out the guy walks out and everyone is gone my neibor shows up and there is ash on my front lawn my mom shows up and yells at my I think about my math book i look out side the window to my back yard and I see wolfs attacking deer and so something happens and there is something the wolfs are attaking so I get a gun from my next door neibor and shoot it into the sky and it wasen't as loud as i thought it would be i am i dc with mandy and then there are people after my and i am trying to get away from carol schaffer because she is annoying and then i find my self in a creek the nect day and then someone shoots me and i go to dinner and a movie with mandy I go to a mental hospital and then i go to like a emergency room mental hospital and there is this big black lady and i tell her i want to die so i go into the death machine that goes up and there is this person in there with my and then he diseaperrs and i don't want to die so i push the stop button and i go and hug the lady and we go to the gift shop and there is this big chair made out of grass for 705 dollars and then there is this big platform and she says that you put it in your front lawn we walk up the stairs and i see washington dc I am at the catherdral look in and i am with jack and shean and we are trying to get this kid to fuck who is Adrian Masone(middle schooler) and then we rape him there is this big huge office building and i am in the basement and then somehow nerve gas is realesed and so we go up stairs yelling about it and i am worried i will die and then i pull the fire alarm and the sprinkaler system and this is bad and i go out side and attack this car with a golf club and then i go back in time and get into a car with people and i see the car i had destroyed in the future and then i am walking down a hill and i see to ladys selling food and then i say it must be market day and then i go home and i am mad and confused that the nerve gas insident is not on the news I go back to public school but it is my middle school i get locked in the lunch room and then i get tripped by this guy david and then some home my necklase breaks and the i am sitting in a hole outside lying about barrie i am in my study and sam shepard is reading a time magizine and i hug him from behind rubing my crouch agianst him and then i put my hands on his crouch and then .... well you know Current Mood: bouncy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
8:28 pm	mushroom dream well from now on I am gonna be writting down my dreams (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 27th, 2002
1:30 pm	fuck this fuck my life yesterday was probably my last day at barrie my parents are taking me out fuck this i am sick and tired of fucking up and screwing up (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 23rd, 2002
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Thursday, October 17th, 2002
12:54 am	I told you I would update mandi ok so I tried scarfing the other day, thats were you suffocate yourself by hanging yourself with a scarfe and then right before you pass out you orgasim, holly fuck, I can't even explain how good it was, in other news I think I migfht have found a real relationship with will, so that makes me happy oh and I put a picture of my on planetout.com ben and mandi were making fun of me so I changed it and my user name is dcleland9506, happy butt sex David (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 12th, 2002
4:30 pm	week I am so confused I do not know it is like a manaschery of emotions. I want to sleep I want to dream I want to be happy I want to cry. This week has been too much. It?s Friday hmmmm that means that I have not eaten since Wednesday night and have not d I have not slept since Tuesday. It is amazing how fucked up life can get in one week let?s see let?s see I started cutting, Monday I got so fuckin h high for the first time in a year at Sky?s house, you know if you snort enough adoral your snot turns blue. Fuck there are many stains on my bed. Oh this is a surprise I got over David and now I can?t stop thinking of Ben .S I never ever would think that I would never have thought that I would ever have a crush on Ben at least this time I like someone else who is gay. He is so beautiful his eyes, his speech, his mind, his figure, his charm aaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh stop! I am so yah. But the fact is that he is a junior and I am a freshmen so I am once again doomed to go insane with hopeless emotion. In other news I can?t go to youth pride day cause we got into a huge fight and I was locked I?m my room for two nights and a day and my parents found some ?stuff?. And that was when I would have some time alone with Ben but so much for that fantasy. Kelsi is great I love being around her. I cannot go to Europe cause my fuckin grandmother is sick and any way we are running into some financial problems cause that bitcvh has not died yet. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: computer (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 6th, 2002
10:41 pm	why the hell are some people so fucking confusing i realy love david levin god i made my whole bed smell like him by putting his deoturant all over my bed (god i am sad) he is the perfect person nononono its not sexual god, i just want to hold him , the part that hurts the most is that i think he would let me but i am scared fuck why fuck fuck fuck fuck god i am screwed up\, i cant stop thinking about him Current Mood: crazy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
10:17 pm	short story Date between 2-14-02 and 3-8-02 (note this story is about my life and is not at all fictionnalized) There was this kid James. His whole life he had problems. James had learning problems, allergies, diseases and strange feelings. James had good parents, They helped James. They got James the best doctors. James?s mother, Lucy, was a good caring person. Lucy had a schizo brother. Lucy had a mother that told her not to be smart. People won?t like you. Lucy?s mother?s Dad died when she was 16. She went to a foster home. Lucy?s father was an incredible man. Everyone loved him. He was perfect. At 6 he supported his family during the depression. He died. James father was a good hard working man. James cared a lot about his father as James?s father cared about him. James was adopted. James went to a special school with special kids. James talked to a lot of doctors, every kind of doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, eye doctors, thyroid doctors, allergy doctors. James had good friends. His friends were rich. James had bad baby sitters. James got lots of opportunity at this special school he liked the kids. The class was small. The classroom was big. The class had 5 teachers, there were 15 kids. There were lots of computers. James could read. James was happy. Some of the kids were mean. James made some friends. Some good friends others bad friends. There was one friend Teddy. Teddy was bady(?). Teddy played with guns and knives. James started liking guns and knives. He had a good friend Michael. Michael was cute, and well mannered. Michael was rich. Michael went lots of places. James liked Michael, Michael was perfect. James slept over at Michael?s. Michael had one big bed. They watched a movie. They played with toys. James and Michael went to bed. James and Michael slept in the same bed. James got a strange feeling. James moved closer to Michael and James put his arm around Michael. Michael was startled. Michael got the feeling too. Michael put his arm around James. They hugged and kissed each other. James kissed Michael, Michael kissed James. James saw more doctors. James was happy. James took lots of medicine. James loved his parents. James said his prayers. James went to church. James did what he thought was right. James loved his parents. James was sheltered. James wasn?t ready for the real world. James went to a big public school. James saw more doctors. The doctors increased his medication. James wasn?t happy. James didn?t like the other children. The other children thought he was a freak. The other children made fun of him. They called James a ######. James didn?t know the word?s meaning. James saw doctors. James cried. His parents loved him. They wanted to help. James did bad in school, The other children called him fat. James didn?t like PE because he got a strange feeling when the other boys got undressed. James wanted to die. James saw more doctors. James loved his parents. James became better friends with Teddy. James played with guns. James ordered a gun. Lucy found the gun. James Mom cried. She blamed herself. She cried. James saw doctors. James took more medicine. James cried He wanted to die. James loved his mother. James liked breaking things. James liked fire. James set fires. James mom cried. James saw doctors. James went to camp. James was happy. James went back to school James started talking to Teddy. James started stealing. James stole lots of things. James couldn?t stop stealing. James was caught stealing cigarettes. James was arrested. James was scared. James cried. James?s mom cried. James cried. James wanted to die. James wanted to kill Teddy. James mom blamed herself. James saw more doctors. James took more medicine. James didn?t have any friends. James was sad. James didn?t fit in. James went to camp. James was happy. James loved camp. James could be himself at camp. James was happy. Everyone loved James. James had lots of big and older friends. James fished in the morning. James loved being away from home. When James was getting undressed with the other boys to take a shower James got the strange feeling again and he was scared. James noticed that some of the other boys had the same strange feeling. James talked to some of the other boys. James and some of the other boys slept under the stars on the island. James and some of the other boys touched and felt each other and slept in the same sleeping bag together without any clothes on. James liked this. James especially liked one boy named Tom. James took medicine. James was very happy. Tom was very muscular, he was older and Tom was experienced. James and Tom spent lots of time together. James loved Tom. Tom loved James. James liked to hold Tom close. Tom liked to hold James close. James had to go back to school. James thought that there were people at school who had the same feelings he did. James told everyone. James quickly regretted this. James hated life. James was miserable. People tormented James non-stop all day. They would throw things at him call him names and steal his stuff. James went to many more doctors. James tried to kill himself he wanted to die. He saw many doctors. James found people who were like him. [Note: at this point I think the autobiographical part stops and he starts projecting.] James started doing drugs and drinking alcohol. James would sneak out at night to go to parties. James had lots of sex did lots of drugs and got very drunk. James started selling. James made lots and lots of money. No one suspected anything. He kept his grades up and looked like a good boy. James had people beat up the people who had made fun of him. James took lots of medicine. James had power. James was dating a much older guy. James and some friends had stolen a car and were arrested and charged with grand theft auto, hit and run, possession with intent to sell, drinking underage, driving under the influence, resisting arrest and underage drinking. Most of them were dropped because James was a minor. James went to more doctors. James took more medicine. James went to rehab, James got clean. James mother is happy. James is happy. James went to a new school. James is happier than ever. James fits in. James is happy. Life is good. James realized that even though it may take a while you will always find your place in life. The End. Current Mood: wanting even more Current Music: house (Comment on this)
10:09 pm	my life You, you don?t know me. And well, I don?t know you. We?re all just strangers. Yet we see each other every day. We talk everyday, But all of that is fake, unreal and preplanned. Sure every once and a while the shield is broken and you get a glimpse inside, but that?s rate and even when you do, you only see a small part. For the few who see inside who see it al. They are always lost or stolen. Those are the ones who know, know what I feel, Know what I go through. Some of them even understand. So, houw bout it. You want to see. Thank about it. First, what you see might scare you, terrify you , and make you cry. I wouldn?t want to, I mean why ruin the pretty paint to see the dirty inside. Fine then, I warned you. There?s always been something about me, I?ve always been different, last. You know the ?freak.? The one guy who finishes last. The one guy who doesn?t understand the work, the one guy who likes guns. The one guy who gets in trouble. The one fucking kid. They the hell do I feel. I hate feeling. I always feel different. It?s like when the whole class is invited to a party except you. Ya, that?s me, but that?s how my entire life has been. Sure some of the stuff I feel I like. I like the feeling that I care about others. But why doesn?t anyone else?? This is going no where. I am just going around in fucking circles. Let me just go in like a timeline thing. The first feeling I can remember having is that I was a trouble maker. I always got in trouble I always got in fights. I never remember not feeling like a screw up. Everytime I succeeded there was a screw up to follow. In preschool everyone was friends, everyone as stupid ? carefree. Why can?t it be like that now. One things was I was scared not of what my parents would do but what they would feel. In elementary school I remember always playing soccer during recess even though I hated soccer. I also remember everyday me and a girl Sharon would steal all the candy from the far after school. She had this big thing I don?t know I enjoyed spending time with her. Even then I was attracted to girls as friends. I also remember taking money out of my mom?s purse and then showing off. I also remember being destructive and violent. What the fuck is wrong with me. I always screw things up. I then went to Mrs. A?s class, now no fight(?) I went to Mr. Cconwise (?) class. For some reason I always cared so much about getting good grades and making my parents proud. In Mrs. A?s class, I met Richy. God I hate him so much. He?s what started me off. I made friends with Ted, Richy and Cary and other people. We were all good friends at least most of us were This was the first year for a lot of things. First, this was when I started to pick out the problem kids. I seemed to always get sent outside of the class because I was in trouble. Somewhere along here I had an obsession with wearing diapers even though I was old enough not to. I seemed to go over to Richy?s house a lot. We would play with knives and that sort of stuff. I don?t know that stuff just fascinated me. I felt big for some reason I was still playing soccer even though I hated it. I was still in scouts as I am now even though I hate it I just want my dad to be proud of me. I hated after school because everyone was mean and I had no friends. I was also good friends with Andrew We would make traps and build forts and it seems that we always got into fights. In 5th grade it was pretty much the same stuff but around this time I had discovered ########### and I spent time with that. I also had become good friends with Eddie Fish who was a really good friend. In 6th grade I had the worst life it seemed. I was over weight I had no socials skills. My friends were Matt, Daniel, EJ, Chris, Ted and Richy. This was the year that I got really into weapons. I really wanted one because of that I lost some friends. This year I had a lot of big friends, older friends and I liked that. This was the year that I also started to have strange sexual feelings toward boys. I had started to go to Bar-T and I liked it a lot. Something that I noticed though was that I was drawn to the problem kids. One things I noticed was that all adults loved me and I had lots of friends. I also seemed to have a lot of girls that had crushes on me even though I didn?t really like them in that way. I did enjoy dating Madeline. That whole thing seems so stupid now. I hated getting in trouble move than anything. My closest friends I really cared about. I still felt destructive and all that other stuff. I seemed to steal money out of my mom?s purse a lot. My favorite thing was reading with my mom and cooking with my dad. I just wanted to make them proud but I always seemed to mess up. The one place I found that I really felt happy was at camp. If I were to die and to go to heaven, I would go to camp. One thing that I realized was that I hated physical activity more than anything. When my mom found the gun in the mail it almost killed me. I wanted to die. In 7th grade I somehow became friends with Richy again and I started stealing. I enjoyed the adrenelin rush, the ?high? I loved it. When I got caught and all that stuff happened, it was the first time that I had ever heard my mom cry. I wanted to die. I even put a knife to my throat. I liked to brag that I could steal anything. The rest of the year is a blur. Over the summer more stuff happened than what had happened in my entire life. What I am about to say I never am going to talk about again. First I was not ?used? or any of that stuff. Over that summer I did lose my virginity. It was to another boy my age. It was his first time too. There I said it. Yes, I had a very close relationship with all of the counselors but never in any way shape or form a sexual relationship. I made some of the best friends that I will make in my entire life. I learned more than ever and I grew more than ever over that summer. Yes I did ?stuff? with other boys there but nothing below the waist. In 8th grade I indirectly told people I was gay because first I thought I was and I wanted to be popular and it worked. I was popular and I had lots of friends. Then the torment started. You could never imagine some of the stuff I went through. The only way I was able to deal with it was because I was talking to camp friends on line and yes, I did have a crush on Joe Welch, so I also had a crush on Madeline and you didn?t seem to care about that. When you took aol away I almost couldn?t take it. So I made friends with people who would protect me, the popular people, being friends with Carlene and Jessica made me realize how lucky I am to have parents who care about me. I did give Ritalin to people but I then stopped . I found the whole drug and alcohol thing to be glamorous and exciting. The whole thing with the 18 year old started with a girl I know Cynthia offering to set me up with this older guy. I didn?t want to seem like a loser so I said yes. Me and him talked on the phone a whole lot and got together with some other friends at the mall a couple of times and Martin hooked up with his friend Sara. Then that one day I was home alone and bored so I invited them over to hang out not to do anything sexual. And that?s what we did. Sara his friend came over too and we watched a movie and talked and they had something to drink and then they left. This summer al of that stuff ended. Look I am gay I know I am and it annoys me when your guys make comments like oh she?s pretty. This year has been perfect in every way. Everybody loves me. I am happier than ever. People respect me the teachers love me Bea and Kathryn think I am incredible because of all the stuff I have done. I have lots of friends I helped clean up(?), I feel needed. Everything is perfect. Love David Current Mood: wanting Current Music: the constant music i always hear (Comment on this)